What His Drink Says About Him
Gin and Tonic
A classic drink for a classic dude. Anyone drinking a g+t is probably worth your while, or at least will be good for a few laughs (you know, if madras pants and popped collars aren’t your thing).
A guy drinking Smirnoff ice isn’t doing so because “it’s a refreshing and delicious beverage”, no matter how hard he tries to convince you it’s true. No, this guy is likely underage so proceed with caution. Lawsuits are the worst kind of follow-up call you can get from someone.
If you’re with a guy who chooses wine, chances are he’s a mature fellow. Or he’s trying really hard to make you think so.
Sex on the Beach
Ignore and walk away. Ignore and walk away. Oh my god, Megan is that you!? I haven’t seen you in forever let’s go have a very important conversation right now in the bathroom.
He’s a frat boy who never grew up. Next.
Whiskey straight-up is a man’s drink. A hot man’s drink. Just watch that he doesn’t drink too much, because that could make the post-date action a little…limp.
Anything With Fruit In It
Are you on a cruise? In Puerto Rico? Is Ricky Martin performing anywhere in the vicinity? If you answered yes to the first two, this drink choice is questionable at best. If you answered yes to my third…well, I hate to break this to you, but I think your date might be gay.
Something In a Martini Glass
Any kind of -tini that isn’t a classic gin martini is a no-no. It’s not hot to watch him slosh his pink hued vodka cocktail around in a dainty glass.
Cheap or Keg Beer
One of my favorite kinds of guys; he’s easy to please, doesn’t feel the need to impress people with labels and is always down for a good time. ‘Merica!!
Imported or Craft Beer
If he simply likes trying new beers, that’s cool. I’m all for getting adventurous or trying a local brew. But if he’s the kind of guy who INSISTS upon only drinking expensive imports “because Bud Light is for poor people”…he’s a tool and you can do better.
He probably writes for COED.
What Her Drink Says About Her
· Wine: As much as it pains me to say this, everyone gets a free pass ordering wine at a restaurant. That’s what normal people do when they eat. If you’re at a normal bar, though, you’re on a date with someone who doesn’t know how to let loose. Be careful of a girl who defends herself by saying that wine has a high alcohol content; liquor has much more.
· Beer: This one is easy because all that matters is what kind they order. Miller Light? Nope. Blue Moon, Hoegaarden, or something else with a fruit in it? You’ve correctly guessed that they have a vagina. Natty Light? You’re in for a rowdy night. Old English? You’re a braver soul than me. Just make sure you’re out of the homeless shelter by 6:00 AM.
· Shots: Drinking shots at restaurant seems like something pretty ballsy (I somehow haven’t tried that yet) so props if she deserves daps if she’s one suggesting it. Just make sure that you’re fully capable of cleaning up the mess that is her life.
· Vodka Martini: She knows how to get drunk and look classy at the same time.
· Gin Martini: No one our age drinks these anymore so it’s fair to say that she’s a little bit older than you. Props for dating the older ladies.
· Long Island Iced Tea: It might have been a rough day. I’ve heard that 11th grade can be pretty stressful these days.
· Whiskey: It’s not as impressive if she’s drinking it in shot form but it’s hard to argue against a girl who likes a good Jack and Coke or a Whiskey Ginger. I’ve found that these ladies are stereotypically a good time and don’t take themselves too seriously. Pretty much the exact opposite of a wine snob.
· Tequila: If she’s drinking a margarita, you’ve got a winner. Tequila sunrise? Please introduce us because I’ve never actually seen one ordered before. There’s a good chance she might be too much for you to handle.
· Vodka: This one has always been tricky for me. On one hand, it’s hard to respect a drink that doesn’t taste like anything. On the other hand, she cares less about the taste and more about the ‘getting drunk.’
· Cosmopolitan: Ehh.