i've never been "fired" but have been escorted out of the building..#truestory
The Five Dumbest Ways People Have Been Fired Just Hours After Starting a Job
Every once in a while, you get the sense a new coworker won’t be around long. Which usually means they’ll wash out in a few weeks or months.
Here are five stories about the STUPIDEST ways people have been fired from jobs within a few HOURS of starting …
1. “A new guy started at 8:00 A.M. and asked another employee if he could buy some meth. So the employee jokingly told him the BOSS deals meth for extra cash. The new guy asked the boss for meth … and was fired by 10:00 A.M.”
2. “My roommate left for his new job at a burrito place. He was home less than an hour later … turns out he’d gotten his start date wrong and was two days late. So when he got there, he found out he’d been fired.”
3. “I worked for a major computer company. A new service tech was hired, logged in on his first day, pulled out a portable hard drive, plugged it in, and started copying everything he had access to. Security escorted him out within three hours.”
4. “I worked at Arby’s. A new girl started, we trained her on the register, and after she handled a few customers she went out for a smoke break … and never came back. Turns out she’d stolen $100 from the register.”
5. “I used to work at the Henry Ford Museum. A new night security guard started and within two hours, I found him drunk, sitting in the car that REAGAN got shot in.” (Reddit)
It sucks when you have to buy a Christmas present for someone you don’t even like. So here’s a stupid list of five ideas that will make THEM suffer too.
1. A frustrating game. Something with confusing instructions, or some logic puzzle that’s impossible to figure out.
2. A jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece. It involves a deliberate act of sabotage, but they can’t prove anything … which is even more infuriating. And they don’t find out until they get to the END of the puzzle and can’t finish it.
3. A bug lollipop. You’ve seen these before … clear lollipops with grasshoppers or scorpions inside. They can throw it away, or take the challenge. You win either way.
4. Wilted flowers. There are actually websites that will deliver them already wilted, for the biggest possible insult. Check out thepayback.com.
5. A magic trick that doesn’t work. They sell these at novelty shops. Everything will look like they’re doing it right, but the coin never disappears.
sorry ylvis..youtube views didn't save you on this list..
The Best Songs of the Year … According to E! News
E! News has slapped together a list of The Best Songs of 2013. It’s unclear how they settled on these songs, but it doesn’t seem like they put much thought into it, since it’s basically just a rundown of the year’s biggest hits.
Here’s the list, which doesn’t appear to be in any sort of order:
"Blurred Lines", Robin Thicke featuring T.I. and Pharrell "Roar", Katy Perry "Wrecking Ball", Miley Cyrus "Hold On (We’re Going Home)", Drake "Suit & Tie", Justin Timberlake featuring Jay Z "Holy Grail", Jay Z featuring Justin Timberlake "Demons", Imagine Dragons "Applause", Lady Gaga "Monster", Eminem "Counting Stars", OneRepublic "Get Lucky", Daft Punk featuring Pharrell "Royals", Lorde "Stay", Rihanna featuring Mikky Ekko
WAIT A MINUTE...a Christmas story didn't make the list??!?!?!
The Top 10 Holiday Movies and TV Specials for Families
The website WhatToDoWithTheKids.com recently conducted a survey to find The Top 10 Family Holiday Movies and TV Specials … and they got over 1,400 people to weigh in.
Coming in at #1 was the 1966 animated special, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”. It was also #1 the last time the site did this poll, two years ago.
Here’s the top 10, along with each one’s rank in 2011. (Note: There are actually 12 titles listed, thanks to a three-way tie.)
1. The 1966 animated special, “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, which was also #1 in 2011. 2. The animated TOM HANKS movie, “The Polar Express”, which he made back in 2004. It was tied for #8 in 2011. 3. JIMMY STEWART’S 1946 black-and-white classic, “It’s a Wonderful Life”, which was #2 in 2011. 4. The 1964 animated special, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”, which was #6 in 2011. 5. The 2004 WILL FERRELL comedy, “Elf”, which didn’t make the list in 2011. 6. A three-way tie between the 1965 animated special, “A Charlie Brown Christmas”, which was #4 in 2011 … TIM ALLEN’S 1994 movie “The Santa Clause”, which didn’t make the list in 2011 … and the 1969 animated special, “Frosty the Snowman”, which was tied for #7 in 2011. 7. JIM CARREY’S live-action version of “The Grinch” from 2000, which didn’t make the list in 2011. 8. NATALIE WOOD’S 1947 black-and-white classic, “Miracle on 34th Street”, which was #5 in 2011. 9. The 1989 CHEVY CHASE movie, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation”, which was tied for #8 in 2011. 10. The 1992 movie, “A Muppet Christmas Carol”, which was also #10 in 2011.
As holidays go, Thanksgiving is pretty underrepresented by Hollywood. But if you’re looking for a good holiday movie to watch this November, Buzzfeed.com has a list of 10 Movies You Forgot Are About Thanksgiving. Here they are:
1. “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”, 1987 2. “Home for the Holidays”, a 1995 movie with Robert Downey Jr. 3. “Dutch”, Ed O’Neill’s 1991 road trip movie 4. “Scent of a Woman”, 1992 5. “The Ice Storm”, a 1997 drama that stars Kevin Kline and Sigourney Weaver 6. “Hannah and Her Sisters”, 1986 7. “Grumpy Old Men”, 1993 8. “Pieces of April”, a 2003 Katie Holmes movie 9. “The House of Yes”, a 1997 murder comedy starring Parker Posey 10. “Son In Law”, a 1993 comedy starring Pauly Shore
Here’s What a Guy’s Facial Hair Says About Him It’s November … also known as ‘Movember’, where guys grow mustaches to raise awareness for charity. So here’s a rundown on what a man’s facial hair style supposedly says about him in general …
1. Traditional Beard. A solid, sharp beard means he’s an alpha-male, and someone who’s totally comfortable in his manhood.
2. Bushy Beard. A bushy, full beard can signify shyness or laziness, depending on how it’s worn. It tends to be seen on either granola-eating hippies … or men who have given up on grooming entirely.
3. Goatee. A younger guy sporting a goatee might feel like he’s got something to prove. The goatee is actually best on older men.
4. Sideburns. Sideburns are a non-committal style of facial hair … not quite a beard, not quite clean-shaven … so it could be a man who’s still finding himself.
5. Mutton Chops. A guy sporting massive chops supposedly isn’t afraid to express his wild side. When done right, they can look kind of regal. But when done wrong, it looks like an animal died on your face.
6. Chinstrap. One of the sillier and more pointless forms of facial hair. He might not BE a creeper, he just looks like one.
7. Soul Patch. This guy might be nostalgic for the ’90s … or he might just be kind of a douche.
8. Mustache. Sporting a ‘stache is like having only the difficult part of a beard: it’s harder to eat, to kiss, to groom, etc. That kind of dedication deserves some major props … especially during Movember.
9. Handlebar Mustache. A man with a handlebar mustache says: “I’m willing to groom this thing to perfection.” And it’s seen on everyone from grungy biker dudes to hipsters trying to be ironic.
10. Overall Scruff. Overall scruff could mean a few different things, so you need to be careful. He’s either trying to get laid, or living with his parents. Or both.
11. Clean Shaven. Being clean shaven is a boyish look that doesn’t exactly scream masculinity or experience. More than likely though, he probably just doesn’t like the way facial hair looks or feels on him.
You might not know it, but beer and religion have a LONG history together. Here are five things you probably didn’t know about religion and beer.
1. Beer brewing goes back at least to the ancient Sumerians, who recorded a recipe for beer on a clay tablet that’s almost 4,000 years old. This would be at least a few centuries before the time of Moses.
2. Back in the 1700s, the Paulaner monks of Germany brewed their own beer to help them get through a 40-day fast during Lent. They called it Doppelbock, and it’s still around today. It was so heavy and malty that they could live on it for the whole fast.
3. People think Benjamin Franklin was a beer lover because of his saying, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” But it’s actually a misquote. It goes back to a saying of Franklin’s that was originally about WINE.
4. Arthur Guinness was a devout Christian, and he created Guinness because he wanted to keep people from getting drunk on hard liquor.
5. The Greenbelt Festival in London is a Christian music and arts festival, and they have a tent where people go to drink beer while they sing traditional hymns. (NPR.org)
Seven Surprising Facts About How Celebrities Are Older Than You Think Whether it’s surgery, better health regimens, Photoshop or CGI, celebrities are a lot more well-preserved than they used to be. It’s to the point where we forget just how old some of these people are.
Check out some surprising facts that’ll force it to sink in for you …
At 52, George Clooney is a year older than Wilford Brimley was when “Cocoon” was released. At 71, Harrison Ford is two years older than Burgess Meredith was when “Rocky” came out. At 48 Marisa Tomei is the same age Jean Stapleton was when “All in the Family” hit the airwaves. At 65, Samuel L. Jackson is two years younger than Jack Lemmon was when he did “Grumpy Old Men”. At 59, Denzel Washington is a year younger than Andy Griffith was when “Matlock” premiered. At 54, Tom Cruise is the same age as Tommy Lee Jones when he did “Men In Black”. At 51, Demi Moore is the same age as Rue McClanahan when “The Golden Girls” debuted.
It’s Halloween week, which means it’s time for the obligatory lists of Celebrities Who Got Their Start in Horror Movies.
We really went all out to bring you an insane collection of actors and actresses who either got their start in horror, or appeared in a horror flick very early in their careers. So here you go …
Jon Stewart, “The Faculty” (1998) Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Michelle Williams and Josh Hartnett, “Halloween: H20” (1998) (Michelle’s horror roots actually go back further. She was in “Species” in 1995.) Renee Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey, “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation” (1994) Viggo Mortensen, “Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3” (1990) George Clooney, “Return to Horror High” (1987) Ben Affleck and Hilary Swank, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (1992) Charlize Theron, “Children of the Corn 3: Urban Harvest” (1995) Naomi Watts, “Children of the Corn 4: The Gathering” (1996) Eva Mendes, “Children of the Corn 5: Fields of Terror” (1998) Johnny Depp, “A Nightmare on Elm Street” (1984) Paul Rudd, “Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers” (1995) Keira Knightley, “The Hole” (2001) Liev Schreiber, “Scream” (1996) Emily Mortimer, “Scream 3” (2000) Chloe Grace-Moretz, “The Amityville Horror” (2005) Kristen Stewart, “Panic Room” (2002) Jennifer Aniston, “Leprechaun” (1993) Kevin Bacon, “Friday the 13th” (1980) Jamie Lee Curtis, “Halloween” (1978) Ted Danson, “Creepshow” (1982) Demi Moore, “Parasite” (1982) Amy Adams, “Psycho Beach Party” (2000) Drew Barrymore, “Altered States” (1980) Sharon Stone, “Deadly Blessing” (1981) Mischa Barton, “The Sixth Sense” (1999) Sigourney Weaver, “Alien” (1979) Crispin Glover, “Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter” (1984) Jennifer Connelly, “Phenomena” (1985) Tom Hanks, “He Knows You’re Alone” (1980) Brooke Shields, “Alice, Sweet Alice” (1976) Paul Walker and Fergie, “Monster in the Closet” (1986) Kirsten Dunst, “Interview With the Vampire” (1994) John Travolta, “The Devil’s Rain” (1975) (The following year John was in “Carrie” … in which he may very well have originated the phrase, “Git ‘er done”.) Jason Alexander and Holly Hunter, “The Burning” (1981) Patricia Arquette, “A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors” (1987) Rachel Weisz, “Death Machine” (1994) Jessica Lange, “King Kong” (1976) Rooney Mara, “Urban Legends: Bloody Mary” (2005) Julia Louis-Dreyfus, “Troll” (1986) Mila Kunis, “Piranha” (1995) Mariska Hargitay, “Ghoulies” (1985) Daryl Hannah, “The Fury” (1978) Vanna White, “Graduation Day” (1981) Breckin Meyer, “Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare” (1991)
Six More Unwritten Rules of Life That Everyone Should Follow
There are few unwritten rules in life that SEEM like common sense, but everyone violates them anyway. Like letting people exit elevators or restaurants before you go in … and if you’re not passing someone, GET OUT OF THE LEFT LANE.
Today we’ve got a few more. Check out six unwritten rules in life that everyone SHOULD follow … but nobody does.
1. If you finish the coffee, make more. 2. If a car stops for you to cross the street, hustle a little. 3. Don’t ask people how much they paid for things. It makes them uncomfortable, and it’s a boring conversation anyway. 4. Wipe down equipment at the gym when you’re done. 5. Never ask a pregnant woman when she’s due, touch her belly without asking, or say, “You’re huge!” 6. If someone looks bad in a photo, don’t tag them on Facebook. (News.com.au)
Katy Perry’s Lyrics on “Prism” Include 226 Different Clichés
The people at Gawker.com have heard KATY PERRY’S new album, “Prism”, and one thing stood out: The lyrics were LOADED with clichés and idioms. In fact, they counted 226 different ones.
And they calculated that she averages one cliché every 11.4 SECONDS on the deluxe, 16-track version of ‘Prism’.
Basically their point is that, although there are always clichés in pop music, if you rely on this many, you don’t really have anything compelling to say.
Here’s a sample of some of the clichés and idioms they found:
"Bite my tongue," "hold my breath," "rock the boat," "the breaking point," "I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything," "brushing off the dust," "the eye of the tiger," "I went from zero to hero," "you are my destiny," "looking through my third eye" …
"Go down in history," "nothing’s going right," "the clock is ticking," "running out of time," "we should party all night," "healthy appetite," "like a bird without a cage," "in the palm of your hand," and "it’s like she walked right out of your dreams."
What’s the Most Brilliant or Profound Thing You’ve Heard a Little Kid Say? You know how sometimes a little kid will say something that’s just BRILLIANT or PROFOUND? And you think, “I HAVE to write that down!” But then you forget? At least there are a few people who didn’t forget. There was just a discussion online about the best things people have heard little kids say. Here are the ten best ones. 1. ”My little sister gave me a juice box as I was packing to move out and said, ‘No one is really a grown up. They just act old because they have to.’” 2. ”I saw a two- or three-year-old girl crying at the zoo. She said she was tired. Her young brother said, ‘Don’t worry, life’s all about feeling tired, then feeling happy, then feeling tired, then feeling happy!’ Then he gave her his granola bar.” 3. ”I told a kid he just said a made-up word. He said, ‘All words are made-up at first.’” 4. ”When my uncle was dying, his son asked, ‘Does everyone die?’ We told him, ‘Eventually, yes.’ He said, nonchalantly, ‘Well if we’re all going to die, why are we so afraid of it?’” 5. ”My friend’s kid explained the Incredible Hulk to me. ’He’s a big green monster and when he needs to get things done, he turns into a scientist.’ That blew my mind.” 6. ”At my little cousin’s birthday, someone said to him, ‘You’re getting old.’ He replied, ‘I’ve been getting old since I was born.’” 7. ”At a bonfire, I mentioned to my friend’s son it smelled like my childhood. He said to me, ‘And now it will smell like my childhood when I grow up.’” 8. ”I saw a parent handing kids a few coins at an arcade, saying the usual parent thing, ‘Don’t spend it all!’ One kid looked at the coins and said, ‘But all you can do with money is spend it.’” 9. ”A friend’s kindergartener had to answer the question, ‘What is special about me?’ He wrote, ‘I am no one else.’” 10. ”An old man had just lost his wife, and the little boy who lived next door went and sat on his lap. When I asked what he said to the man, the kid said, ‘Nothing, I just helped him cry.’” (Reddit)
What are the United States’ best regional foodstuffs? Its worst? These are the questions that bedevil the mind of man—but no longer! For here, we have ranked them. Rigorously scientific (not), ardently researched (nope), and scrupulously fair (not even a little bit): this is the Great American Menu!
What Did You Just Realize You’ve Been Doing Incorrectly Your Whole Life? It’s always mind-blowing when you realize … at THIS age … you’ve been doing something basic wrong for your ENTIRE LIFE. It really makes you question everything. We’ve got the results here of an online discussion about things people JUST realized they’ve been doing wrong. Here are nine of the best ones … 1. ”My wife’s first language isn’t English, and she’s signed every English email with ‘Love’ instead of ‘Sincerely’ until recently, even business emails. She’s 35.” 2. ”I just saw a friend eating sunflower seeds by spitting out the shells. I’ve always eaten them whole.” 3. ”My brother just figured out you can swallow pills without jamming them as far down your throat as possible … and making yourself gag or vomit in the process.” 4. ”I just learned the word ‘prima donna’ isn’t actually ‘pre-MADONNA,’ like, ‘before the singer Madonna.’” 5. ”I just stopped holding my fork sideways in my fist. Someone finally pointed it out at dinner and I realized everyone else was holding their forks differently than I was.” 6. ”In college, someone finally pointed out it was strange that I ate the entire apple, including the core.” 7. ”I thought the cool kids on TV were asking girls to ‘go study’ and not ‘go steady.’ I didn’t realize it was wrong until I tried it in real life.” 8. ”When I was 29, I asked, ‘If all chickens have feathers, how do the farmers know which ones have dark meat and which ones have light meat?’” 9. ”My friend was 25 before she realized you could press Shift to capitalize a letter. She was turning on Caps Lock, typing the letter, then turning off Caps Lock.” (Reddit)